For years, I let my worth be determined by a set of numbers.
My relationship with gravity was enough to define my value.
Every morning, I would wake up and take off every last bit of clothing (God forbid any of that weight would affect the numbers displayed), and place one foot at a time on the monster that had overtaken my every thought. My existence was diminished into nothing more than a digital reading I placed all of my confidence and hope into.
I wish I could say this practice was abandoned a long time ago, but no. I actually gave up weighing myself for lent this year because of how much it had taken over my life even just recently. I would weigh myself as soon as I woke up, and whether or not the number had gone up or down would set the tone for my entire day.
I am a 5’10” woman. I weigh 153 pounds (the last time I weighed myself anyway). That is a perfectly healthy weight for my age, height, and body build. But that still wasn’t good enough for me. I’ve been striving to get below 150 for probably about 5 years now. BUT I CAN’T. Even when I was starving myself, 149 never showed up. And now that I’m eating an extremely healthy diet and working out regularly, I’ve settled around 152-155 for the last two months. Why?
BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT MY BODY IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE.
Our bodies all have a set weight that they are comfortable living in. I can try and try to morph my body into some other shape or size, but ultimately it will be unsustainable and will only cause more damage in the end. If this is where my body is happy, then this is where I need to be happy.
There is nothing magical that would have happened if I ever hit 149. No fireworks would be set off in the distance, no genie would have appeared and granted me 3 wishes… I would still be the same Megan that I am now.
4 pounds. 4 pounds between where I am now and where I thought that I needed to be. 4 tiny little pounds. I gain and lose that much in a single day (yay for being a fluctuating woman). HOW is that enough to sway my entire opinion about my worth and value?
My life has so much more to offer the world than a smaller body size. I will never be below a size 7 (literally, it’s physically impossible for me). And that’s okay. I don’t need to be in a size 2 to make a noteworthy contribution to this world. (Side note: if your natural body size is a size 2, then OWN it. You don’t need to be any different either to be worthy of love and validation).
I am beautiful. I know that now. But I am also smart, kind, passionate, and loving; and I am those things first and most importantly. The amount of space I take up in this world does not determine my value. And it doesn’t determine yours. You are more than a number: on the scale or on your clothing.
Consider throwing the scale away. Rather than looking to a number to define you each day, look to your character and the amazing qualities you have to offer the world. People need those things. They need you. Regardless of your body size.
Be encouraged today, friends. You are valuable. You are worth loving.